Girls Camp

Well this is my first shot at a "real" post about my life. This week was girls camp and there's so much I could say. I came to camp worried that I wouldn't have a good time. I didn't know anyone in our stake, and because of my weight and other things it is generally hard for me to put myself out there. But before we even got to camp, a car got stuck in the mud and we all had so much fun pulling it out of the mud and laughing about it. It rained, and I love rain so it put me in a good mood. I walked out to the dock by the YCL cabin, and it collapsed on one side. So Emma and I decided to make sure the other boards were "safe" by jumping on them all, arm in arm, all the while talking in British accents. The rest of the week went by just as beautifully. I slept a little better until I stopped taking the medicine, and began spending my nights reading my scriptures and writing in my journal. Writing under the moonlight, looking out at the water, is one of the most peaceful times of my life. I invited my young women's leader to join me my last night there, and ended up sharing things with her that I've needed to get off my chest for months. I adopted several new little sisters, and made a new friend that I hope I can make a difference in her life. I made friends of all the YCLs, and grew to love every girl in my ward. All of them came to camp, and that was new to me. You know, I made a goal to be better this year. After Monday night, when Emma and I stayed up late on the dock talking, I promised that I would reach out, because it was my last year, and I just HAD to be better than I have been. Only time will tell, but I'm glad I am more in tune with the spirit because even simple promptings to smile at someone, or pull them aside and tell them they're beautiful can mean all the difference in the world. I will miss being in young women's. I feel the transition coming and I'm not ready. I want to be, but I'm scared to leave these girls, I'm scared to leave my family, and I'm scared that if I leave this foundation, I'll lose my grip and fall again. I hope that I prove stronger now, but only time will tell. I would not give up this past week for anything in the world. It changed me like no other. I just hope I come back one day as a leader, to be the kind of woman that girls like me will look up to. I love my ward, I love my leaders, I love this gospel.