Tuesday, May 15, 2012

What are these? Tears?

I don’t really feel like being here right now, all I want is to go home, but in a sense I can’t fathom going home.  My room is a wreck, and yet it’s empty. Boxes barging in, or wanting to. Pushing them away, I don’t want them to come in and swallow it all… I don’t want anything but what I had, and what this all used to be. Change. How much I hate, it, but I guess I was asking for it, wasn’t I? I asked for a change, and complained that I never got what I wanted so here I am facing a change that will either make or break my life. Moving. I’ve done it before and I guess it shouldn’t be that hard, but last time I had hardly anything to hold on to. I didn’t think that I had anything here until the danger of losing it all became clear. Laughter surrounds me but a heartbreak consumes me. No one knows. I’m fine, I don’t care. I am happy to leave. Happy to go back to where I had nothing- but wait, what is this? Tears? I haven’t had them in so long and suddenly they come  me as if they’ve been my companion for years. They aren’t my companion, they need to leave but they keep flowing, on the inside. Always on the inside. Tears don’t seem to be able to flow anywhere else.

Monday, May 7, 2012

Away

He pushes me away
Every day
Yet I can't stand
When he's not holding my hand
But he pushes me down
I cry with a frown
And as i run away
I can't stop to say
That I was in love
It must've been a mistake, He can't love
Not when he treats me this way
Oh he's pushing me away
And yet he took my breath away
When I saw him walk in today
Through my stomach was tight
I almost could pretend I was alright
But he took off without saying a word
As I stood there feeling so awkward, so absurd
He texts me his apology
Nice to know just what he thinks of me
That he can tell his phone much later
But it just makes the pain much greater
Cause though I've not shed a single tear
I feel like I've cried for many a year
He's supposed to be
My fantasy
The one to hold 
When life gets old
Someone I can cry to, and let him cry to me
But nothing in my life plays out quite happily