What are these? Tears?

I don’t really feel like being here right now, all I want is to go home, but in a sense I can’t fathom going home.  My room is a wreck, and yet it’s empty. Boxes barging in, or wanting to. Pushing them away, I don’t want them to come in and swallow it all… I don’t want anything but what I had, and what this all used to be. Change. How much I hate, it, but I guess I was asking for it, wasn’t I? I asked for a change, and complained that I never got what I wanted so here I am facing a change that will either make or break my life. Moving. I’ve done it before and I guess it shouldn’t be that hard, but last time I had hardly anything to hold on to. I didn’t think that I had anything here until the danger of losing it all became clear. Laughter surrounds me but a heartbreak consumes me. No one knows. I’m fine, I don’t care. I am happy to leave. Happy to go back to where I had nothing- but wait, what is this? Tears? I haven’t had them in so long and suddenly they come  me as if they’ve been my companion for years. They aren’t my companion, they need to leave but they keep flowing, on the inside. Always on the inside. Tears don’t seem to be able to flow anywhere else.

Away

He pushes me away

Every day

Yet I can't stand

When he's not holding my hand

But he pushes me down

I cry with a frown

And as i run away

I can't stop to say

That I was in love

It must've been a mistake, He can't love

Not when he treats me this way

Oh he's pushing me away

And yet he took my breath away

When I saw him walk in today

Through my stomach was tight

I almost could pretend I was alright

But he took off without saying a word

As I stood there feeling so awkward, so absurd

He texts me his apology

Nice to know just what he thinks of me

That he can tell his phone much later

But it just makes the pain much greater

Cause though I've not shed a single tear

I feel like I've cried for many a year

He's supposed to be

My fantasy

The one to hold 

When life gets old

Someone I can cry to, and let him cry to me

But nothing in my life plays out quite happily

Words.

Always :)